{"id":2142,"date":"2010-06-17T19:40:32","date_gmt":"2010-06-18T00:40:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.edquade.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=2142"},"modified":"2010-06-17T19:40:32","modified_gmt":"2010-06-18T00:40:32","slug":"just-the-quotes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.edquade.com\/?page_id=2142","title":{"rendered":"Just the Quotes"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What disease did cured ham actually have?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Once you&#8217;re in heaven, do you get stuck for eternity wearing the clothes in which you were buried?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Can you cry under water?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don&#8217;t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Anonymous<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>In the 60&#8217;s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, &#8220;I think I&#8217;ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I take my wife everywhere&#8230;. but she keeps finding her way back.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our annivrsary.  &#8216;Somewhere I haven&#8217;t been in a long time!&#8217; she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said &#8216;There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!&#8217; So I bought her an electric chair.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife told me the car wasn&#8217;t running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me, &#8216;In the lake.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, &#8216;Am I too late for the garbage?&#8217; The driver said, &#8216;No, jump in!&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I married Miss Right. I just didn&#8217;t know her first name was Always.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I haven&#8217;t spoken to my wife in 18 months I don&#8217;t like to interrupt her.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, &#8216;What&#8217;s on the TV?&#8217; I said, &#8216;Dust!&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">RED SKELTON&#8217;S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Be the first to answer correctly and you could qualify to be eligible.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Some restrictions do not apply.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Offer good only where prohibited.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Do the right thing!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The best is yet to come.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Get rid of anything that isn&#8217;t useful, beautiful or joyful.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Your job won&#8217;t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>However good or bad a situation is, it will change.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Remember! GOD heals everything.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What other people think of you is none of your business.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Forgive everyone for everything.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>No one is in charge of your happiness except you.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t compare your life to others&#8217;. You have no idea what their journey is all about.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Make peace with your past so it won&#8217;t spoil the present.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>You don&#8217;t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Life isn&#8217;t fair, but it&#8217;s still good.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Try to make at least three people smile each day.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Dream more while you are awake.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Get more sleep.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Tips for a better life<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Men are NOT mind readers.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Crying is blackmail.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: If you ask a question you don&#8217;t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don&#8217;t want to hear.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: If we ask what is wrong and you say &#8216;nothing,&#8217; We will act like nothing&#8217;s wrong.. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it&#8217;s free!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">P.J. O&#8217;Rourke<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I don&#8217;t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>No man&#8217;s life, liberty, or  property is safe while the legislature is in session.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Mark Twain  (1866)<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.  The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Winston Churchill<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Mark Twain<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher  (1820-1903)<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Thomas Jefferson<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Phyllis Diller<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How do you decide who to marry?<br \/>-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Alan, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marrage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How do you decide who to marry?<br \/>-No person really decides before they grow up who they&#8217;re going to marry.  God decides it all, way before and you get to find out later who you&#8217;re stuck with.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kristen, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What is the right age to get married?<br \/>-Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Camille, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How can a stranger tell if two people are married?<br \/>-You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Derrick, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What do you think your mom and dad have in common?<br \/>-Both don&#8217;t want any more kids.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Lori, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What do most people do on a date?<br \/>-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Lynnette, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What do most people do on a date?<br \/>-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Martin, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When is it okay to kiss someone?<br \/>-When they&#8217;re rich..<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Pam, age 7<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When is it okay to kiss someone?<br \/>-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn&#8217;t want to mess with that.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Curt, age 7<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When is it okay to kiss someone?<br \/>-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It&#8217;s the right thing to do.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Howard, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Is it better to be single or married?<br \/>-It&#8217;s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Anita, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How would the world be different if people didn&#8217;t get married?<br \/>-There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn&#8217;t there?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kelvin, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How would you make a marriage work?<br \/>-Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ricky, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Rules of marriage &#8211; by kids<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Hardware eventually breaks &#8211; Software eventually works<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">anonymous<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>First; (editorial comment) you probably should not have ANY dump DDs in your long running address spaces. They are about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Chris Craddock<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">ASSEMBLER-LIST<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift&#8230;<br \/>The next year, I didn&#8217;t buy her a gift.<br \/>When she asked me why, I  replied,<br \/>&#8220;Well, you still haven&#8217;t used the gift I bought you last  year!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And that&#8217;s how the fight started&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife and I were watching  Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.<br \/>I turned  to her and said, &#8216;Do you want to have sex?&#8217;<br \/>&#8216;No,&#8217; she answered. <br \/>I then  said, &#8216;Is that your final answer?&#8217;<br \/>She didn&#8217;t even look at me this time, simply saying, &#8216;Yes..&#8217;<br \/>So I said, &#8220;Then I&#8217;d like to phone a  friend.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And that&#8217;s when the fight started&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I took my wife to a  restaurant.<br \/>The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.<br \/>&#8220;I&#8217;ll have the rump steak, rare, please.&#8221;<br \/>He said, &#8220;Aren&#8217;t you worried  about the mad cow?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Nah, she can order for herself.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And that&#8217;s when the fight started&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife and I were sitting  at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby  table.<br \/>I asked her, &#8220;Do you know him?&#8221;  <br \/>&#8220;Yes, she  sighed, &#8220;He&#8217;s my old boyfriend&#8230;. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn&#8217;t been sober since.&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;My God!&#8221; I said, &#8220;Who would think a  person could go on celebrating that long?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And then the fight started..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When our lawn mower broke and wouldn&#8217;t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer&#8230; Always something more important to me.<br \/>Finally  she thought of a clever way to make her point.<br \/>When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.<br \/>I was gone only  a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.  I said, &#8220;When you finish<br \/>cutting the grass, you might as well  sweep the driveway.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.<br \/>She  asked, &#8220;What&#8217;s on TV?&#8221;<br \/>I said, &#8220;Dust.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And then the fight started&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. <br \/>The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all  day. <br \/>I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife&#8217;s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, &#8220;The weather out there is terrible.&#8221;<br \/>My loving wife of 5 years replied, &#8220;And, can you believe  my stupid husband is out fishing in that?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And that&#8217;s how the fight started&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife was hinting about  what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.<br \/>She said, &#8220;I  want something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in about 3 seconds.&#8221;<br \/>I bought her a bathroom scale.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And then the fight started&#8230;&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.<br \/>The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver&#8217;s license to verify my age.<br \/>I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.<br \/>I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.<br \/>The woman said, &#8220;Unbutton your shirt.&#8221;<br \/>So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.<br \/>She said, &#8220;That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,&#8221; and she processed my Social Security  application.<br \/>When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my  experience at the Social Security office.<br \/>She said, &#8220;You  should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And then the fight started&#8230;<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.  She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, &#8220;I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. You really need to pay me a compliment.&#8221;<br \/>I replied, &#8220;Your eyesight&#8217;s  damn near perfect.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">And then the fight started&#8230;&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little boy was attending his first wedding. <br \/>After the service, his cousin asked him, <br \/>&#8220;How many women can a man marry?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Sixteen,&#8221; the boy responded.     <br \/>His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.<br \/>&#8220;How do you know that?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Easy,&#8221; the little boy said.<br \/>&#8220;All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said, <br \/>4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,   <br \/>&#8220;Mom, I&#8217;ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.&#8221;   <br \/>&#8220;That&#8217;s okay with us, but what made you decide that?&#8221; <br \/>&#8220;Well,&#8221; said the little boy, &#8220;I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,   <br \/>And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord&#8217;s Prayer at a church service,   <br \/>&#8220;And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. <br \/>&#8220;How do you know what to say?&#8221; he asked.<br \/>&#8220;Why, God tells me.&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little girl became restless as the preacher&#8217;s sermon dragged on and on. <br \/>Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,   <br \/>&#8220;Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Ms.  Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.   <br \/>She was puzzled by Kyle&#8217;s picture, which showed four people on an airplane,   <br \/>So she asked him which story it was meant to represent. <br \/>&#8220;The Flight to Egypt ,&#8221; was his reply.<br \/>Pointing at each figure, Ms.  Terri said, <br \/>&#8220;That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.     <br \/>But who&#8217;s the fourth person?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Oh, that&#8217;s Pontius &#8211; the pilot!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The Sunday School Teacher asks, <br \/>&#8220;Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?&#8221;   <br \/>&#8220;No ma&#8217;am,&#8221; little Johnny replies, I don&#8217;t have to. <br \/>My mom is a good cook.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little girl was sitting on her grandfather&#8217;s lap as he read her a bedtime story.<br \/>From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.   <br \/>She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. <br \/>Finally she spoke up, &#8220;Grandpa, did God make you?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Yes, sweetheart,&#8221; he answered, &#8220;God made me a long time ago.&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Oh,&#8221; she paused, &#8220;Grandpa, did God make me too?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;Yes, indeed, honey,&#8221; he said, &#8220;God made you just a little while ago.&#8221;<br \/>Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, <br \/>&#8220;God&#8217;s getting better at it, isn&#8217;t he ?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>This particular Sunday sermon&#8230;.&#8217;Dear Lord,&#8217; the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. &#8216;Without you, we are but dust&#8230;&#8217; He would have continued but at that moment, my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old-girl voice, &#8216;Mom, what is butt dust?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Children in Church<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: &#8216;The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.&#8217; Concerned, James asked: &#8216;What happened to the flea?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">JAMES (age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, &#8216;Why doesn&#8217;t your skin fit your face?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">TAMMY(age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: &#8216;Why is he whispering in her mouth?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">MARC (age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, &#8216;I don&#8217;t know what&#8217;ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">CLINTON (age 5)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: &#8216;How much do I cost?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">DJ (age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. &#8216;Please don&#8217;t give me this juice again,&#8217; she said, &#8216;It makes my teeth cough.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">SUSAN (age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she&#8217;d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: &#8216;How does it know it&#8217;s me?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">BRITTANY (age 4)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom good night. &#8216;I love you so much that when you die I&#8217;m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">STEVEN (age 3)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister&#8230; After a while he asked: &#8216;Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">JACK (age 3)<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Kids say the darnest things&#8230;..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never squat while wearing your spurs.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never slap a man who&#8217;s chewing tobacco.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never miss a good chance to shut up.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Always drink upstream from the herd.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>There are three kinds of men:\u00a0 \u00a0The ones that learn by reading.\u00a0 The few who learn by observation. \u00a0The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you&#8217;re riding&#8217; ahead of the herd,\u00a0 take a look back every now and then\u00a0to make sure it&#8217;s still\u00a0 there.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Lettin&#8217; the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier&#8217;n puttin&#8217; it back.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.\u00a0 <br \/>The\u00a0 moral: When\u00a0 you&#8217;re full of bull, keep your mouth\u00a0 shut.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230; Eventually\u00a0 you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about\u00a0 it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0The older\u00a0 we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in\u00a0line for.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0Some\u00a0 people try to turn back their odometers.\u00a0 \u00a0Not me; I\u00a0want people to know &#8216;why&#8217; I look this way.\u00a0 \u00a0I&#8217;ve\u00a0traveled a long way, and some of the roads\u00a0weren&#8217;t paved.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to\u00a0youth, think of Algebra.\u00a0<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;F\u00a0You know\u00a0you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0I don&#8217;t\u00a0know how I got over the hill without getting to\u00a0the top.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230; One of  the many things no one tells you about aging is that it&#8217;s such a nice change from being young.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0One must\u00a0wait until evening to see how splendid the day\u00a0has been.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,\u00a0it was called witchcraft. Today it&#8217;s called golf.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>About growing older&#8230;\u00a0If you don&#8217;t learn to laugh at trouble,\u00a0you won&#8217;t have anything to laugh at when you&#8217;re old.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Will Rogers<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.<\/p>\n<p>On his way out the door, a brave  Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face.  The robber shot the customer without a moment\u2019s hesitation.<\/p>\n<p>He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.  The robber instantly shot him also.  Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.<\/p>\n<p>The robber yelled, &#8221; Well, did anyone else see my face?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak<\/p>\n<p>Then, one old farmer named Bill from  Missouri tentatively raised his hand and said,<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;My wife got a pretty good look at you.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Author Unknown<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Email Forwarded<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Chinese proverb<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Mom, &#8220;Felix, you need to listen when people are talking to you!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Felix, &#8220;Mom. The sound waves just aren&#8217;t getting to my ears!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Felix, age 5<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, &#8220;Mom, that lady isn&#8217;t wearing a seat belt!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.. The note read, &#8220;The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents &#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. It was the minister calling, &#8220;Mommy can&#8217;t come to the phone to talk to you right now, She&#8217;s hitting the bottle.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women&#8217;s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, \u201cWhat&#8217;s the matter, haven&#8217;t you ever seen a little boy before?\u201d<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, \u201cAre you a cop? Yes,\u201d I answered and continued writing the report. \u201cMy mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?\u201d \u201cYes, that&#8217;s right,\u201d I told her. \u201cWell, then,\u201d she said as she extended her foot toward me, \u201cwould you please tie my shoe?\u201d<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. &#8220;Is that a dog you got back there?&#8221; he asked. &#8220;It sure is,&#8221; I replied.<br \/>Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, &#8220;What&#8217;d he do?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, &#8220;The tooth fairy will never believe this!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, &#8220;Daddy, you shouldn&#8217;t wear that suit.&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;And why not, darling?&#8221;<br \/>&#8220;You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.<br \/>The minister&#8217;s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: &#8220;Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.&#8221; (I want this line used at my funeral!)<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little girl had just finished her first week of school. &#8220;I&#8217;m just wasting my time,&#8221; she said to her mother. &#8220;I can&#8217;t read, I can&#8217;t write, and they won&#8217;t let me talk!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.<br \/>&#8220;Mama, look what I found,&#8221; the boy called out.<br \/>&#8220;What have you got there, dear?&#8221;<br \/>With astonishment in the young boy&#8217;s voice, he answered, &#8220;I think it&#8217;s Adam&#8217;s underwear!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kids say the darnest things\u2026..<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Mark Twain<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A clean conscience is a good pillow.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Fortune Cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Any day above ground is a good day.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Fortune Cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Tell me and I&#8217;ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I&#8217;ll understand.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Chinese Proverb<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer.  Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past.  Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">John F. Kennedy<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>You know you&#8217;re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you&#8217;re down there.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">George Burns<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When chemist die, they barium.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I know a guy who&#8217;s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I&#8217;d never met herbivore.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I&#8217;m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can&#8217;t put it down.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A dyslexic man walks into a bra.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>PMS jokes aren&#8217;t funny. Period.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there&#8217;s no pop quiz.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I didn&#8217;t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What does a clock do when it&#8217;s hungry? It goes back four seconds.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Broken pencils are pointless.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Punography<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>2. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>3. It\u2019s all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they are angry, afraid, or lonely. Big people cry too. I do.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>4. You\u2019ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It\u2019s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>5. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn\u2019t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>6. I\u2019m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>7. You can change your mind. It\u2019s good to decide, but it is also fine to change.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>8. What a great idea! You were really thinking! How did you come up with that? Tell me more. Your mind is clever!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>9. That was kind. You did something helpful and thoughtful for that person. That must make you feel good inside. Thank you!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>10. I have a surprise for you. It\u2019s not your birthday. It\u2019s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>11. I can wait. We have time. You don\u2019t have to hurry this time.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>12. What would you like to do? It\u2019s your turn to pick. You have great ideas. It\u2019s important to follow your special interests.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>13. Tell me about it. I\u2019d like to hear more. And then what happened? I\u2019ll listen.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>14. I\u2019m right here. I won\u2019t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>15. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>16. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>17. Just try. A little bit. One taste, one step. You might like it. Let\u2019s see. I\u2019ll help you if you need it. I think you can do it.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>18. I\u2019ll help you. I heard you call me, here I am. How can I help you? If we both work together, we can get this done. I know you can do it by yourself, but I\u2019m glad to help since you asked.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>19. What do you wish for? Even if it\u2019s not yet time for birthday candles and we don\u2019t have a wishbone, it\u2019s still fun to hear about what you wish for, hope for, and dream about.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Georgy<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Things we should say to Children<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The Car Keys&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Several days ago I left a restaurant after having had lunch with friends. I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.<\/p>\n<p>A quick search in the restaurant revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed around the corner for my parking spot. Dave has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.<\/p>\n<p>As I walked toward my car, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. My parking spot was empty! I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, &#8220;Honey,&#8221; I stammered; (I always call him &#8220;honey&#8221; in times like these.)&#8221; I left my keys in the car and it&#8217;s been stolen.<\/p>\n<p>There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. &#8220;Are you kidding&#8217; me&#8221;, he barked, &#8220;I dropped you off!!!&#8221;  Now it was my time to be silent&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Embarrassed, I said, &#8220;Well, come and get me. &#8221;    He retorted, &#8220;I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn&#8217;t steal your car!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">&#8220;Yep it&#8217;s the golden years&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">email<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists, and not enough hunchbacks.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Ponderisms<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Learn to work the toilet seat.  You&#8217;re a big girl.  If it&#8217;s up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down. You don&#8217;t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule # 1: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That&#8217;s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: If you think you&#8217;re fat, you probably are. Don&#8217;t ask us.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: I am in shape. Round is a shape!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say, during commercials.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine&#8230;Really.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: Don&#8217;t ask us what we&#8217;re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: You have enough clothes.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Rule #1: You have too many shoes.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">The Man Rules<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve got some bad news, Ole.  Your farm is right on the state line, and we&#8217;ve determined that it&#8217;s not in Minnesota.  It&#8217;s actually in Iowa.&#8221; Ole replied, &#8220;That&#8217;s the best news I&#8217;ve had in a long time! I was just telling Lena that I don&#8217;t think I can take another winter in Minnesota.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Lena and Ole<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Institute of Lutheran Theology<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor&#8217;s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;Impossible!&#8217; says the doctor.. &#8216;Show me.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.<\/p>\n<p>The doctor said, &#8216;You&#8217;re not really a redhead, are you?<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;Well, no&#8217; she said, &#8216;I&#8217;m actually a blonde.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;I thought so,&#8217; the doctor said, &#8216;Your finger is broken.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Blonde Joke<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Fortune Cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Do not underestimate yourself.  Human beings have unlimited potentials.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Fortune Cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>He who laughs last, thinks slowest.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there&#8217;s a 90% probability you&#8217;ll get it wrong.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Flashlight:  A case for holding dead batteries.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren&#8217;t smart enough to get out of jury duty.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Murphy&#8217;s Lesser Known Laws<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Parallel line have so much in common.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a shame they&#8217;ll never meet.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My wife accused me of being immature.<\/p>\n<p>I told her to get out of my fort.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.<\/p>\n<p>Then they call me ugly and poor.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?<\/p>\n<p>One, they&#8217;re efficient and not very funny.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What do you call a dog with no legs?<\/p>\n<p>It doesn&#8217;t matter; it&#8217;s not going to come.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they&#8217;re gonna pay.<\/p>\n<p>You have my Word.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What&#8217;s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?<\/p>\n<p>A pool table.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">b<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Poor bastard.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Poor bastard.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>How do you find Will Smith in the snow?<\/p>\n<p>You look for the fresh prints.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.<\/p>\n<p>Even the cake was in tiers.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.<\/p>\n<p>Runs in our jeans.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.<\/p>\n<p>He yells &#8220;Don&#8217;t do it! You have so much potential!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A hot blond orders a double entendre at the bar.<\/p>\n<p>The bartender gave it to her.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Want to hear a word I just made up?<\/p>\n<p>Plagiarism.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Why do cows wear bells?<\/p>\n<p>Because their horns don&#8217;t work.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>What did the pirate say when he turned 80?<\/p>\n<p>Aye Matey.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>To the handicapped guy who stole my bag &#8211; <\/p>\n<p>You can hide but you can&#8217;t run.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.<\/p>\n<p>If anything, it made him more sluggish.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>And the Lord said unto John, &#8220;Come forth and you will receive eternal life&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>But John came fifth, and won a toaster.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Q. How do you think the unthinkable?<\/p>\n<p>A. With an itheberg.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Someone stole my mood ring,<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know how I feel about that.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I tried to catch fog yesterday,<\/p>\n<p>Mist.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The first rule of Alzheimer&#8217;s club,<\/p>\n<p>Is don&#8217;t talk about chess club.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Why does a chicken coop have two doors?<\/p>\n<p>If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.<\/p>\n<p>She looked surprised.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">bluestaples<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506\" rel=\"nofollow\">http:\/\/www.tickld.com\/funny\/t\/976506<\/a><\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Be the labor great or small..<br \/>Do it well or not at all!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">fortune cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Life is a gift, don&#8217;t waste it.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">fortune cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">fortune cookie<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The fattest knight at King Arthur&#8217;s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical aleutian.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>No matter how much you push the envelope, it&#8217;ll still be stationery.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Atheism is a non-prophet organization.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:  &#8216;You stay here; I&#8217;ll go on a head.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, then it hit me.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: &#8216;Keep off the Grass.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A backward poet writes in verse.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>In a democracy it&#8217;s your vote that counts. In feudalism it&#8217;s your count that votes.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you&#8217;d be in Seine.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A vulture carrying two dead racoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, &#8216;I&#8217;m sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, &#8216;Dam!&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can&#8217;t have your kayak and heat it too.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, &#8216;I&#8217;ve lost my electron.&#8217; The other says, &#8216;Are you sure?&#8217; The first replies, &#8216;Yes, I&#8217;m positive.&#8217;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A geologist exploring an earthquake fell to his death through no fault of his own.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">Seems right to me<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I&#8217;d done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, &#8220;But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!&#8221; I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye&#8230;.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, &#8220;Did you start at 1?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, &#8220;Who was THAT?&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. &#8220;We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.&#8221; The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, &#8220;I sure wish I&#8217;d gotten to know you sooner!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, &#8220;Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?&#8221; I mentally polished my halo and I said, &#8220;No, how are we alike?&#8221; &#8220;You&#8217;re both old,&#8221; he replied.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather&#8217;s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.<br \/>&#8220;What&#8217;s it about?&#8221; he asked.<br \/>&#8220;I don&#8217;t know,&#8221; she replied. &#8220;I can&#8217;t read.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>I didn&#8217;t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, &#8220;Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, &#8220;It&#8217;s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, &#8220;I&#8217;m not sure.&#8221; &#8220;Look in your underwear, Grandpa,&#8221; he advised &#8220;Mine says I&#8217;m 4 to 6.&#8221; (WOW! I really like this one &#8212; it says I&#8217;m only &#8217;38&#8217;!)<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, &#8220;Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.&#8221; The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. &#8220;That&#8217;s interesting.&#8221; she said. &#8220;How do you make babies?&#8221; &#8220;It&#8217;s simple,&#8221; replied the girl. &#8220;You just change &#8216;y&#8217; to &#8216;i&#8217; and add &#8216;es&#8217;.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Children&#8217;s Logic: &#8220;Give me a sentence about a public servant,&#8221; said a teacher. The small boy wrote: &#8220;The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.&#8221; The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. &#8220;Don&#8217;t you know what pregnant means?&#8221; she asked. &#8220;Sure,&#8221; said the young boy confidently. &#8216;It means carrying a child.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog&#8217;s duties.<br \/>&#8220;They use him to keep crowds back,&#8221; said one child.<br \/>&#8220;No,&#8221; said another. &#8220;He&#8217;s just for good luck.&#8221;<br \/>A third child brought the argument to a close. \u201cThey use the dogs,&#8221; she said firmly, &#8220;to find the fire hydrants.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. &#8220;Oh,&#8221; he said, &#8220;she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we&#8217;re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.&#8221;<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don&#8217;t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"title source\">How grandchildren perceive their grandparents<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never trust a dog to watch your food.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Patrick, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When your dad is mad and asks you, &#8220;Do I look stupid?&#8221; don&#8217;t answer him.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Michael, age 14<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never tell your mom her diet&#8217;s not working.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Michael, age 14<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Stay away from prunes.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Randy, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never pee on an electric fence.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Robert, age 13<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t squat with your spurs on.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Noronha, age 13<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t pull dad&#8217;s finger when he tells you to.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Emily, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When your mom is mad at your dad, don&#8217;t let her brush your hair.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Taylia, age 11<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never allow your trree-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Traci, age 14<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t sneeze in front of mom when you&#8217;re eating crackers.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Mitchell, age 12<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Andrew, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kyoyo, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>You can&#8217;t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Armir, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Kellie, age 11<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Naomi, age 15<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Lauren, age 9<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Don&#8217;t pick on your sister when she&#8217;s holding a baseball bat.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Joel, age 10<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she&#8217;s on the phone.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Alyesha, age 13<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"quotescollection-quote\">\n<p>Never try to baptize a cat.<\/p>\n<footer class=\"attribution\">&mdash;&nbsp;<cite class=\"author\">Eileen, age 8<\/cite>, <cite class=\"title source\">Words Of Wisdom From Children.<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why does a round pizza come in a square box? &mdash;&nbsp;Ponderisms What disease did cured ham actually have? &mdash;&nbsp;Ponderisms Once you&#8217;re in heaven, do you get stuck for eternity wearing the clothes in which you were buried? &mdash;&nbsp;Ponderisms How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be 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